Saturday, March 28, 2015
new life, new day, new me but is it too late?
okay, i have a lot to say. as i look back over what i wrote, i'm saddened by the fact that i made bunch of mistakes and can't undo the crap i said. i was in a different place in my mind and want to apologize to every one for my vulgarity. i wish i could explain but my brain was gone. im trying to explain why i am the way that i am. i have changed a lot and taking responsibility for my words and actions is hurting me dearly and i wish i could take them back but i can't. let me say this; I love people no matter where they live and have always tried to understand what is going on in the world today. This is going to be a very difficult story for me to tell but it has to be told. i feel like i have failed God and the people. i am still trying to make something of my life that has meaning and purpose and direction. my life has been filled with turmoil and pain. i want to write a book about my life so that anyone who reads it might be able to change faster than i did. i do not know how to start this book so i'm gonna try right here. my life has been a nightmare. i can no longer blame my parents for what happened to me. i can say they had 4 children before the age of 25, were virgins when they met, and both had been abused so they abused us. i know they don't want me to say this but i have to explain to people so they can also forgive those that abuse them. i want to say i am mentally disturbed by their actions but i must change my ways. i love God with all my heart. I said i hated America but i don't. my brain was not working correctly because of all the trauma i suffered. i'm trying to explain why people do bad things in order to understand why i am the way i am. i forgive my parents finally. i hope they are still alive so i can begin again. i'm walking a very difficult path. i am in a state of confusion and trying to the best of my ability to understand why i allowed so many people to abuse me and why i have acted like such a fool. i was blind but now i can see.